


hot temper

by bunshima



Series: of bruised knees and cigarettes - ushioi oneshots [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: College!AU, Established Relationship, M/M, Mentioned domestic abuse, Oneshot, Post-Canon, mentioned eating disorder, theyre both trying rly hard but theyre also stubborn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-04
Updated: 2017-02-04
Packaged: 2018-09-21 21:59:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9568640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bunshima/pseuds/bunshima
Summary: Dating Tooru isn't always sunshine and laughter; Wakatoshi knows best.





	

**Author's Note:**

> since I have so much insp, rp convos to work with and have gotten so a lot of positive feedback on my last one, heres another thing but this time with some more angst. I hope you enjoy !!! :3c
> 
> disclaimer: no proof reading we publish our crappie writing like filthy animals, there's pain

“You don't understand.” It's a coarse, unforgiving tone,  _ so unusual _ even for Tooru. “I don't expect you to.” 

 

Wakatoshi doesn't even know what made the situation escalate like this. They're not really arguing, not in his eyes, but his boyfriend seems… beside himself. More than usual, that is. Well, based on his demeanor, it's hard to tell that something is even wrong in the first place, but Wakatoshi has grown aware of those little undertones, knows their meaning and the horrible implications.

 

“You're right. I really don't understand. There's no need for you to do this, Tooru.” Words come to him, but only with great difficulty. Sadly, this isn't a rare occurrence. However, Tooru had warned him with  _ ‘I'm not always nice.’. _

 

_ ‘Not always nice’ _ is a hefty understatement. And needless to say, he underestimated that when he gave him his word.  _ He'll never come to hate him, he won't hurt him, he's aware that he won't make his mother proud by dating him _ . The last one wasn't an option to begin with, considering how hateful his mother is when it comes to things that aren't…  _ the norm _ .

 

That being said, Tooru is moody, gets snappy, but at least he doesn't insult Wakatoshi anymore, so that's a plus. Even if he did, he's used to it, has a thick skin to begin with.

 

“ **There is.** How can you say that after I've told you?” Likely he is speaking about his own mother and Wakatoshi can feel bile rising in his throat at the mere thought. Tooru's mother is  _ abusive _ ; drinks, yells,  _ hits him, _ rinse and repeat. He had always wondered about his boyfriend's self-hate, hidden beneath a thick layer of false confidence, but by now he has a hunch where it comes from.

 

with that, Wakatoshi eventually has to meet the setter’s gaze from half across the room. While he settled at the small table in the middle of their dorm to sketch a few things for assignments, the other choose his bed. All curled in on himself and clutching onto his bad knee protectively, he seems vulnerable. He said the wrong thing. How is he supposed to know what to say, though? Wakatoshi is awkward, blunt and definitely not a social butterfly.

 

“You know my viewpoint on this.”, he replies, voice perhaps too strong and firm, “I don't see you would go to the point of quite literally crippling yourself.” In the end, he has to put his pencil down to gesticulate while he speaks. It's usually what happens when he gets  _ angry _ .

 

Judging by Tooru’s position, Wakatoshi assumes that he did something to make his knee act up. He was fine at practice (or was he?). Either way, he can feel an argument coming. 

 

“Like I said,  **I don't expect you to understand** .”

 

“Is it so hard to be  **considerate** ? You know exactly that I worry a lot about you. I've been nothing but supportive, but all you've given me was the cold shoulder when I said something wrong.” It's good that he put away his pencil because he would have two halves now. “I want to help. All I get is…  _ this kind of bullshit _ .” He doesn't understand,  **so it's bullshit** . “Put yourself in my shoes and get how I feel. I  **want** to understand, you know.” He kind of knows the gist of it, but understanding it is on a whole another level.

 

There's a moment of thick, uncomfortable silence between them till the other raises his voice,

 

“I already know that I'm horrible. _ I don't need you to tell me that _ .”, spits Tooru, “Why should I do that when you don't even try to understand  _ how  _ **_I_ ** _ feel _ ? I don't do this because I like it; I  **have** to.”

 

_ Fuck this whole thing _ . The situation keeps getting worse and worse by the second because Wakatoshi is incapable of articulating himself in an appropriate manner.  _ He loathes being socially inept sometimes. _ For now, he can only stare at Tooru as he tries to think of what to say next. It takes him embarrassingly long to find the hopefully right words.

 

“I try to,  _ I really do _ . It's just hard for me. You know well enough that I need my time with things.”, Wakatoshi begins and he can’t help but sound a little desperate (he doesn’t like fighting because he tends to say bad things when he’s angry), “ _ I’m doing my best _ . I don’t know what you want me to do most of the time.”

 

“‘Doing your best’? Don’t give me that. You didn’t even notice that I got hurt at practice.”

 

_ Now, hold up _ . Wakatoshi literally has to stand up, the legs of his chair scraping across the ground, back hunched and palms pressed flat onto the table, to do the mental gymnastics needed in order to grasp what the hell is wrong with Tooru. Eyebrows furrow as he tries to remain as calm as humanly possible, “ _ How the fuck _ … do you just expect me to  **sense** your injuries? I’m sorry but that’s ridiculous.”

 

“It’s called being  **considerate** .”, Tooru snaps at him yet again.  _ Oh my god _ . This is just going to keep spiraling out of control, right? 

 

“ **_Tooru_ ** , listen to me. I don't know what you want me to do. Like I said I'm… I'm trying so hard to be a good boyfriend, especially because this is my first relationship. I can't comfort you if you keep pushing me away. And please… don't act like I neglect you. I try to spend as much time as possible with you, even with my studies and practice. Sometimes… s-sometimes I can't sleep because you worry me so much. I just... care a lot and it makes me like absolute shit when you undermine that. Please understand that it kills me to see you hurt yourself because you feel like you need to do so.” He's just ranting at this point, needs to get all those nasty feelings out of his chest to avoid bursting into tears at some point. “I don't expect you to stop immediately. That's nearly impossible, I think. But I want to help you get better. I suppose that's… part of a relationship, to help one another become better people. You've… you've helped me already. I learned how to... express myself and my feelings much better since we became a couple. I would like to thank y-” Wakatoshi doesn't get to finish the last bit of his sentence because he's cut off by a heart-wrenching sob from Tooru. 

 

_ Fuck, fuck, fuck.  _

 

He wastes no time and walks over to his keening and wailing boyfriend, thick tears spilling relentlessly, wetting thick lashes, and areas of his shirt (well, Wakatoshi’s shirt, rather). Tooru looks like a sad imitation of himself, but Wakatoshi has learned that phases like this are just a part of him. Sometimes tears just end up spilling because they were kept in for too long. He doesn't like crying in front of others, though it seems like Wakatoshi is an exception now or at least he hopes so.

 

Slowly and with great caution to avoid startling the setter, he sits down on his bed and Tooru immediately averts his gaze, turns his head to the side. It's hard to tell whether he's being stubborn or just feels plain ashamed of himself. 

 

“Hey…”, he coos gently, reaching out to cup Tooru's cheek with his big palm, “It's alright.” Eventually his boyfriend comes to look at him and it doesn't only break his heart, it  _ pulverizes _ it. More tears wet his thumb as it brushes, caresses, Tooru's cheek and his bottom lip trembles harshly while his jaw grinds likely painfully. It's not alright, definitely not, but he hopes for the best. It will be alright. Not now, not tomorrow, but perhaps in a few months or even  _ a year _ . What can he say; he's committed and dedicated.

 

Tooru makes an attempt to speak but all he can utter are guttural noises, spilling from his lips along with some spit (he's the most messy crier Wakatoshi has ever met, right next to Satori and Tsutomu). He just wipes it away with his sleeve, although Tooru protests and he assumes that he finds it to be disgusting. However, hedoesn't think it's gross, his boyfriend's spit has been in worse places, to be honest.

 

Eventually, he gives in, falls forward into Wakatoshi’s embrace, forehead resting against his shoulder. 

 

“There, there.”, comes a soft sigh as he begins to rub the other's back in an attempt to soothe him…  _ and it works _ . He thinks the worst is over, but then Tooru begins to repeat something over and over again, like a mantra that's been drilled into his thick skull. It takes him a short moment to realize what he's saying. 

 

_ I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.  _

 

He's never been this distraught. It just fucking hurts to see him like this. A soft kiss is pressed to his temple and Wakatoshi coos to him again, “It's all good.” And thank god, it seems that was enough to calm him down for now. A bit more patting and scratching here and there, and you could almost call him fine again!

  
  


“I'm sorry for getting angry at you. I should've remained calm.”, Wakatoshi says, pressing a kiss to his cheek ( _ eugh, salty _ ). By this point, Tooru has curled up on his lap, effectively koala-ing his large boyfriend.

 

“Mhm…”, Tooru hums in response, sounding weary, exhausted. 

 

A quick glance at his wristwatch tells Wakatoshi that it's almost dinner time… he should ask the by Tooru much dreaded question.

 

“Do you think… do you feel like eating dinner today?” He prefers to be careful about this for obvious reasons.

 

“I don't. I'm sorry.”, comes the hoarse reply.

 

“It’s all right. We can try again tomorrow, yes?”

 

A sniff and a subtle nod follow. 

 

To be honest, Wakatoshi isn't fond of enabling him like this, but if that's what it needs to convince him, he'll do it. He wants him to be happy and healthy, but it sure feels like it's still a long way there.

 

“I'll see if they have milk bread tomorrow.”  _ He sure knows how much Tooru loves milk bread _ . 

 

No reply.

 

“Tooru?”

 

Nothing. He just passed out.  _ Great _ . 

 

A heavy sigh makes Wakatoshi’s chest heave as he begins to peel his boyfriend off him (which isn't hard when it's those thin arms holding onto him) and much to his surprise, it doesn't wake him. Man,  _ he's really exhausted _ . Carefully he puts him into his bed, tucking him in and placing a last kiss to his forehead before sneaking over to his own bed to fetch his wallet. Unlike Tooru, this whole thing has made him incredibly hungry and  _ he's not going to pass up on curry for dinner _ . 

  
And so he steps outside of their dorm with a wet shoulder, but a much lighter heart. Maybe he'll get Tooru a little something from a vending machine once he's done eating… 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! (feedback is greatly appreciated!!!!!!)


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